Monday, April 11, 2011

Why I never want to live like my parents

This is going to sound harsh, but my worst nightmare is ending up like my parents. I honestly think my parents live a sad life and it really makes me sad for them, but I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Here are some reasons why I never want to live like them.

1. Their marriage. I think my parents marriage is a poor example for my sister and I, which is probably why I have serious reservations about the idea of marriage. My parents never speak a kind word to one another. They NEVER compliment each other or say things like "thanks for doing that for me I really appreciate it". In fact, they hardly talk to each other at all, except for when my dad is asking my mom what shes making for dinner, or they are arguing about money, or putting each other down. True fact: when I was a kid I used to wish for my parents to get a divorce.

2. My mother is so negative. My parents are in a tough spot financially, but honestly no matter how much money they had, my mother would still find things to complain about. Even when they had more money, it was never enough. My mother got a part time job a few months ago, and if she doesn't get a lot of hours one week, she complains about money. If she gets a lot of hours the next week, she complains that its too much and it hurts her back and her feet hurt. Nothing is ever good enough for her.

3. They are not good with money. They don't have a lot, but I truly believe that how you spend/save your money is more important than how much you make. What baffles me even more is how I managed to be pretty good with money because I really had nobody as an example. I think it came from sheer will to not be like them. lol. They have no savings for anything at all. No emergency money. No retirement savings. Nothing. I'm even scared of what's going to happen when they are gone because I don't want to end up paying for this house and any other debts they have that I don't know about. And they rely on their 24 yr old daughter's (me) rent money to pay the bills. Oh and I pretty much let my mother use my car whenever she wants, because she doesn't have one. Even though I pay for the car, the insurance and most of the gas.

4. They don't do anything. They never DO things TOGETHER. All they do is sit on the couch and watch tv, or when its summer they sit on the porch. They never go out and do stuff. You don't even need to spend a lot of money. They could go for a walk, or go to the movies on cheap night. They honestly live the most boring life ever.

5. My dad is kinda one of those people who thinks it's a woman's job to cook and clean and do his laundry and basically be his mother. If he suddenly realizes he has no clean shirts for work, its my mothers fault because she didn't wash them. I think this is part of the reason I am really NOT into cooking and cleaning because subconsciously I was rebelling against that idea. I do not want to live my life feeling like I am serving my husband because it's my job!

6. My mom quit her job to be a stay at home mom and I think it was her biggest mistake in life. She doesn't have like a degree or anything, but she worked for an insurance broker and if she had kept doing that, she would probably make pretty good money now. She quit her job to be a stay at home mom, and when she wanted to get a job again, she was out of the work force for over 10 years and it was extremely hard for her. I just think things would be a lot different if she hadn't left her job. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against moms who don't work outside the home, it's just for our family I feel it wasn't the best idea. This is why I vow never to quit my job because I had a kid. Even if for the first few years your basically working to pay for daycare, I think it still makes sense to at least keep working part time to stay current in your industry because eventually you won't have daycare bills anymore and at least you won't have been out of work for 5 years.

So anyways that is my little rant of the day. It probably sounded a little harsh, but I think it's a pretty common feeling for people to want to "live better" than their parents did. I hope I did not offend anybody!


Morgaine said...

I seriously thought you were describing my parents!

They never went anywhere or did anything together. My Mom is very angry at the world and her situation. My Dad died about 2 years ago and my Mom was a serious ostrich when it came to dealing with the finances.

My mother lost her job when I was 12 and she didn't get another one until I was 16 and it is only part-time. Meanwhile my Dad worked until he was 76 but he was so bad at managing the money that they never saved anything.

I rebelled against their money management too, but in a different way. As soon as I got a job and money to myself I blew it as fast as I got it. Since I was used to going without new clothing and being told that we couldn't afford many of the things that I wanted (not needed, those were provided) I went a bit crazy in those early days.

My Dad was also the type that expected dinner cooked, house cleaned, etc but considering my Mom worked part-time and my Dad would get home at 6:30-7:00 so it made sense that my Mom did these things and I never really heard either of them complain about that.

Already I see a huge difference in the way I live my life and the way they lived theirs. We share household chores, we take care of our own finances, we do plenty of things together (sometimes at home = free, sometimes out, I LOVE cheap night at the theatre!) So I don't see us becoming anything like my parents either. Thank Goodness! :)

FB @ said...

That sounds really familiar.. I never used to wish they would get a divorce and my parents are not as mean to each other as what I am imagining yours are, but they showed (and still show) very little affection, but fight all the time over little things....

It's gotten better as they've gotten older and my mom is now the breadwinner

Girl Makes Cents said...

Sometimes it's good to get a view of the otherside because it makes you realize what matters in your life and how you want to live your life. Good for you for changing your ways and the cycle.