I don't normally talk about my personal relationships on here, more specifically my "love life" because well, there isn't much to speak of. Recently though I started getting to know a guy at work and thought I might have to change my relationship status on facebook soon until it all came to a halt last weekend. Here is the story.
We started talking in the break room at work probably a few months ago. Just a quick hi, how are you type of thing. Then we started talking a bit more like having full conversations and getting to know each other. Then I ran into him outside of work and for the first time in a LONG TIME had the whole "I might be interested in you and can't think of what to say" moment. It was very awkward and I sensed some awkwardness from him as well so I knew he was at least a little bit interested.
Then him and another guy at work invited me to a get-together at another guys house one night. Just a little barbeque with some friends etc. It was a really great time and I got to know some other co-workers better. Then we went on our first "date" (just us two) the next weekend, just went for a walk then went back to his place after.
It was really fun and I was having a great time getting to know him. The only thing was I didn't feel that chemistry that you feel when you REAAAALLY like someone, y'know?? But I figured its no big deal, I haven't dated in a while and I wanted to give him a chance. He is also not the type I normally go for, because he is really quiet, but I figured that could be a good thing.
Anyways last weekend after another date he told me something that is a deal breaker for me. I don't want to divulge exact words spoken or anything but lets say he has a small substance abuse problem. ...
UGH!!!!
This guy is perfect on paper if you know what I mean. If you wrote down all his attributes and things about him, he seems like the perfect guy!! Until this. Let's just say we will not be dating. I still like talking to him and what not but I don't feel comfortable with the issue. We have hardly talked since then and I am pretty sure he senses my feelings about this. I still want to be his friend but haven't even got a chance to talk to him about it. :(
So I thought I would ask this question for all you bloggers. What are your deal breakers??
7 comments:
I agree, I would not be able to date someone who does drugs or drinks on a regular basis.
Smoking would also be a deal breaker, so would someone who is not good with animals.
Yup, I have to agree. A guy that does any recreational drugs is definitely not boyfriend/husband material in my book.
I'd have to agree with Shoe Gal with her deal breakers! Also, bad breath.
To me, deal breakers are things I absolutely cannot look past despite how awesome the guys is. So while I prefer that my partner be without certain attributes (i.e. smoking), my list of deal breakers are much smaller. Off the top of my head, I would not date a guy who has: substance abuse, criminal recrod, is mean/sadistic or overly materialistic.
Good thing you got out now. Always much harder when you are more involved in the relationship.
My deal breakers are as follows: someone who doesn't like kids, animals, family or fun. Also someone who abuses drugs or alcohol.
As the saying goes, there are way too many fishes in the sea to just settle for a puff. (my saying anyways)
For me it's similar to what most people have listed above.
I must admit though... Growing up, I always thought smoking would be a deal breaker for me but it hasn't. I'm still not pleased with it as long as it's not a strong addiction but more recreational. I'm also pleased to say that Bear's giving up smoking for some time so I think most people can change if they really want to.
Thanks for your comments everyone :)
I must give him credit for being up front with me about it, I am really glad he told me and it shows that he does recognize that he does have a bit of a problem.
And as Asian Pear said, people can change. I just didn't expect him to change for me. I wasn't even sure that I felt that "spark" between us, so I wasn't about to ask that commitment of him.
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